Every once in a while I get on a trip about changing my whole life.  Or at least I feel a sense of disappointment that my life is not what I wish it could be and it causes me to temporarily push to make changes and then berate myself for not following through.  Realistically I know I can’t have my cake and eat it too, but I should be able to make some changes, shouldn’t I?

I am really good at identifying where I would like to make changes, and even what changes could be made- mapping out a progression of changes so that the end product is that ideal I have in my head.  Implementation is a whole ‘nother ball game.  I am hoping I am not alone in this.  I have tried to implement change, but to no avail- I seem to slide back to the old familiar in no time at all.  The hard and slightly painful truth is that I am lazy!  Okay, okay- so I sew some, and I do dishes and laundry- but the thinigs I want to do are out of the ordinary routine…and I can’t get motivated to work through the hard “this is new” part  such that they are really part of my life. 

The first of these changes is decluttering the house- really purging all the useless crap we have collected, we just have too much stuff and it is running our lives (could the addition of a whole set of SCA living items contribute to this feeling?  chairs, trunks, clothing, tents and no adequate storage…).  I did tidy my sewing room, but I think that will be a lost cause (here I go with the excuses)- I have fabric that I want to make stuff with, not just for the SCA but mundanely- I just never have the time.  Also stored in the sewing room are books.  I have weeded out most of the paperbacks, but still have quite a collection of the ones I really loved (wheel of time and the dragonriders of pern stuff…).  My solution is usually that we need a better way to store all our stuff, a bigger better designed shelving system, etc…and there is no extra money for such a thing.  That’s when I remind myself that we don’t need more stuff- for heavens sake our parents and our parents parents didn’t just go out and buy (fill in the blank) a lot of the time they made do.  So I am trying to make do, which means I need to pare down. Vicious cycle 🙂

I know this seemed really whiny- it was not meant to be- it was a rant I was having at myself that I decided to throw on here.  I have been learning a lot about myself lately and I am trying to hold myself accountable.  Any one have any hints on how to do that? I’m all ears!

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