Category: Infertility

tomorrow is the day

And today I am a wreak.  I am not much good at keeping my emotions in check, in fact I am ruled by my heart and every once in a while my head gets to offer up it’s two cents.  Until now I have been quite calm and positive.  I have felt twinges and cramps in my lower abdomen, which, from what I can tell, is a good sign and I can smell things more intensely.  Other than that, no symptoms.  But then I have to remind myself- IF I am PG at all- its by about a week or 10 days at most- and what kind of symptoms would have time to manifest in that amount of time?


To cut to the chase, this morning after my progesterone shot I burst into tears.  What IF I am not PG?  What am I going to do?  This was it- our one shot.  We don’t have the resources to try again- so I am feeling that pressure.  If I am not PG, I don’t even get a consolation prize, like a puppy.  How does one go on from that place….


The tranfer is tomorrow!!

Well, there has been some drama.  I had to come to terms with the fact that only three of the five eggs retrieved were able to be “ICSI’d”, and then only two fertilized.  I was devastated because my chance for a second chance cycle was gone.

Today they called us with the day 2 report and we have 2- 2cell “excellent’s”- and that at least gives us a little hope.  The transfer is tomorrow at 9:30, I have to be there with a “partially full bladder”.  I have heard many stories and how long you have to wait with this “partially full bladder” which becomes, in the end, an excrutiatingly full bladder! Can’t wait!

My Mother in Law has a Chrystler 300- nice big “cushy” car, and she called to ask us if we wanted to borrow it in favor of the sometimes ox-cart like ride our Scion gives us.  She was going to accompany us (its actually nice that she asked, and it was done in a very non-Mother-in-Law-poking-her-nose-in-where-it-does-not-belong kind of way).  Then she called back and said we could borrow the car and she wouldn’t come as she was afraid she would be bad luck! 

Well, after talking things through, I figured out that even if we didn’t go to Gulf Wars Iwould be pissed off about not being able to go, cause as much as I hate to admit it- I have been looking forward to this as much as Hubby.  If I am trying to conceive, I would think positive results are more likely if I am not stressed and ticked off and resentful.  I think, since we have not really started all the “real” work when it comes to infertility treatments, ( all the hormone meds/shot, the endless ultrasounds, etc…) it is not as hard to make that decision to delay.  (Does that say something about my readiness for motherhood?  Or does it say that I understand that as soon as we have a child things like Gulf Wars will more than ever be decided by “family life” and that no plans are really concrete when children are concerned?)

So…I called the clinic to discuss our decision, and they were quite understanding.  They did tell me, however, that April would be their last month to do procedures.  That’s right- April is the  last month that UAMS Hospital is doing infertility procedures.  I knew they were closing the infertility clinic,  but I thought it was at the end of the summer. 

SO my question to them was what happens if the first procedure is not successful and we want to do another with our frozen embryos… and they explained that they would be released to the doctor/clinic of my choice and I would continue treatment there.  Here in LR it means to the only other place in town (who thankfully happen to be well respected, very competent and skilled reproductive endocrinologists).

After thinking about this for…oooh…2 minutes, I called the other place and made an appointment; they had a cancellation and will be able to see us on January 31st! ( I had called them in November to see about checking them out and the first available was Jan 15- so I feel really blessed to be able to get in so quickly- literally 2 weeks!)  I figure, if we may possibly end up there anyway- why not start there. Plus, I really don’t like the doctor we have been dealing with.

 An interesting tidbit to add to all this…The Dr’s I will be seeing used to work at UAMS, but they went out into private practice because of the restrictions that were imposed on them by the Hospital.  In addition, I was the receptionist/registration person for the infertility clinic when I first started with UAMS and worked with the very same doctors (not that they will probably remember, they had very little contact with us…). Weird, huh?

So, we’re still going to Gulf Wars (yay!).

Lab results!

I had blood drawn Thursday a week and a half ago.  This past Monday I found out that my fasting insulin is 11- which is great.  That combined with the weight loss should make the reproductive endocrinologist happy.  She was out of town this week, but I should hear from her this week as to the next step.  I think we take “class”- to learn all about the specifics and how to inject the hormones.  I’ll keep the blog updated as best I can.

Gambeson has to be done by Thursday…  so far I have all the bits pinned (body front and back and arms) so I can quilt them, then I have to put them all together.  I love to sew, i love to create with textiles, I hate sewing for other people- well – I enjoy making things for hubby, he is so proud of them, but I am a procrastinator and he has deadlines….not a good mix.  I found a “to do” list in the bottom of my purse today- on it was “sew something for fun”,  LOL.

People keep asking about the baby thing, so its been on my mind a lot lately.

Some of you may remember that my insulin was high and I was taking metformin to help get it in check- first labs were very promising- and with an increased dose the second set of labs…went half way back to where they started.  I was devastated.  And I have been scared to get the labs done again.  I know its really silly, and in the grand scheme of things the labs are not a big deal.  But, along the way- every part is as important as the next- so it may as well have been (to me at the time) a negative pregnancy test.

This comes up today because my Mother-in-Law called me to tell me she heard the UAMS infertility department was going to close its doors.  I had already gotten the news from someone else- and been told that sometime next year (late summer) the program would come to am end.  So, a little pressure- not such a bad thing- but coming from Mother in Law it was not what I needed.  She also decided to tell me the nurses in her department were really more fond of the reproductive endocrinologists out in private practice, and pretty much assumed we would now be going there.  (I know they are good…but…this is my issue, thank you).

While she is telling me this my phone is beeping with a call on the other line- and so I end my call and dial back my friend from Dallas …who has called to tell me she is pregnant.  I know I shouldn’t be upset, but it’s just a little like salt, ya know.

I am probably going to get the lab work done next week, hopefully it is good and we can get to the real deal sometime soon.