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Keeping up

Keeping up is hard, especially now.  Since my Dad passed away I have not felt like doingmuch, but life must go on.  I go to work, come home, feed my family, wash their clothes and go to bed, only to get up and do it all over again.  Having said that- friends and family have been good.  James has been very good.  I get a little frustrated with him from time to time, him not giving me some space, or expecting me to do this or that, but he has been very good.  Katie has been good also- although she must know something is up and her sleep patterns are all disturbed.

Kate is “doing her thing” and i hope she will be able to help with Dad’s house as soon as she is allowed.

I am taking care of the paperwork stuff and that’s okay by me.  It’s a little frustrating as I seem to encounter issues no matter what it is I am trying to do.  It’s amazing that some people give you a hard time because you are trying to give them money.

I am finding more and more that i just need some downtime.  i want to get a massage – or just lay and read- somethingrelaxing.  I am truly overwhelmed with the looming task of taking care of his business.  This will more than likely be a processthat will take more than a year.



The Sun - Tarot Necklace - Carnivale Mystickal
found this while surfing plus size clothes online- it was for sale- thru etsy- on a website exclusively for plus size goth wear.  I was not so enamored of the clothing- I’m not much into goth- but the jewelry was amazing.  I want this!!

pity party

Hey there.  I can’t believe i don’t blog more.  It’s the perfect place to hold all those conversations that i usually have inside my head. 

Having said that- i am having a little pity party for myself today.  I’m tired because Katie keeps waking up in the middle of the night and i am the only one who can/will get up to tend to her.  lately she has been getting hungry at night- i am not sure we are making sure she eats enough for dinner- or has an appropariate bed-time snack.

She really is growing up too.  I can’t believe it, just amazing!


so much for that

Wow.  Back in April I was going to try to blog more- and I got that one entry in.

So many times I think about stuff that I should blog about.  Maybe just to get off my chest- but maybe to see if anyone wants to chime in on whats going through my head.  I have to admit that I like an outside perspective sometimes- I have a habit of being a  little narrow-minded or maybe melodramatic sometimes and I need a little reality check, a little grounding.

So I am hoping to blog more.  And unfortunately – for now- it might be a bit whiney.  Feel free to tell me to get over it, or not.

i’m going to try

It occurs to me that I could be documenting Katie’s infancy here- if not to share with others- for myself- and for her amusement later in life… blogging here would also be a nice way of getting things off my chest- cause there’s a lot on my chest lately! No, I don’t mean literally…

Unfortunately I have stopped breast feeding rather recently- I’m really feeling bad about it.  I mean, I can actually nurse her a little bit still- and if I found a better pump (Ihave a lansinoh double electric that seems to not work so well anymore) Icould probably work up to getting some of my milk back (in addition to nursing Katie with the little bit that I am still producing) but its been a bit of a hassle (I’m feeling guilty about feeling that way about BFing) anyway- so that’s just one of the  things on my mind.

What prompted me to actually post (not that I haven’t been thinking about it for a while) is listening to Hubby in the living room taking care of Katie (I’m working this morning).  She is complaining- and he is consoling her- telling her that although she really wants to be able to do it by herself (apparently she is going for the ‘back to front’ roll, she can do the ‘front to back’ roll), she has to be patient and keep trying…

And before I competely forget, I have to share what hubby said the other day.  I was remarking on Katie’s dimple- she has a cute little one when she smiles- she also has them on her knees and elbows and severalother places- so hubby says to me- “well that’s what babies are- a collection of dimples”…. I thought that was cute coming from him.

So, let’s see if I can get into a regular schedule of posting, not that I ever really was.

Sleeping Baby

My friend had her baby yesterday at 8:50AM, a beautiful baby boy.  I was able to visit around 6 pm (waited til hubby came home) and I got to hold him- less than 12 hours old.  What an amazing experience.

I have not held a baby so young before- a tiny “lump” of sleeping human- with the softest little cheeks and the tiniest little chin.  It was surreal- more so because in about three months I will be holding my own lump of sleeping baby.

My girlfriend was alarmingly chipper.  Having weathered an at home birth, she professed to being wired; I suppose it takes a while to come down from the adrenalin and the sheer relief that the birth part over.  I bet today she is tired and sore and I hope she is resting comfortably.

difficult already….

This weekend I decided to sleep in.  Usually I get up at 5:30 on the weekends just like I do on the weekdays – its my time to myself – you know- without the husband.  But this Saturday someone wouldn’t let me sleep.  Katie – like clockwork- started kicking up a storm at 5:30-  there was not a position I could be in that she wasn’t making her presence known.  Finally just got up and puttered around the house.  About 8 or so  I woke hubby up and put his hand on my belly (when I laid back down she started up again…) and he felt her kick!  It was so cool- I have been waiting for him to have tangible evidence (not just an ultrasound pic) that she really is in there.  I told him how she had literally forced me to get up and he thought that was the funniest thing!


time for some updates

Okay- so it’s been a while since I last posted, much has happened but mostly stuff I got moody about and I’m sure moody pregnant lady posts would get real boring and obnoxious after a while; I have gotten very good at whining- at least to myself!

Most recently we painted the Nursery- a pretty “pastel sage” color (okay it could pass for lime sherbet but we’ll just play along).  An old high school friend came up to visit and helped Hubby paint; actually he primed and painted- hubby just did a bit of touch up.  My old high school friend also brought up a number of things for us.  We now have an antique rocking chair- the seat of which I will recover.  Also there is a beautiful antique highchair- that is lacking only that little seat belt type strap.  Then there are also the two strollers, the manly diaper bag for hubby, the pile of clothes his friends pressed upon him to bring and a tiny porcelain trinket box with Katie’s first piece of jewelry- a dainty little signet ring.  Oh- and a few noisy toys (thanks!)

While my friend was here we discovered a great children’s consignment shop in Conway- in addition to the Yours Truly stores that are here- its called A kids Dream.  We got 7-8 outfits for $25.00, including some of THE cutest Tommy and Ralph Lauren dresses- things I would not be able to afford at their “new” prices.

We also got our first registry gifts delivered via UPS- the diaper bag I wanted- and the bouncy seat- both awesome and bound to be used frequently.

Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y

I also heard late last week that my wonderful friend from college- who has experienced her own battle with infertility, finally got their “referral”- meaning that they have finally been assigned, for lack of a better word, a child to adopt from China; a beautiful baby girl, who is at this time 7 months old.  The baby was abandoned on the doorstep of a nursing home and taken to a local orphanage. Her name is Yue Mei Xue- I think that’s how it’ spelled- Yue (“last name”)is the name of Yugan (city she was found), Mei is beautiful, Xue is snow, on the day when she was admitted into the orphanage, it was snowing.  They plan on calling her Samantha and keeping Mei Xue as her middle name. Congrats to them- they have been waiting three years for this darling little girl. (see the blog “yearning for a child” in my blog roll for more about my friend)

results are in….

Amnio on tuesday….


I never knew tired before.

I am always tired.   Usually I wake up and lay in bed the last 15 minutes beforemy alarm clock goes off.  This morning my alarm clock woke me up.  I know I am supposed to be tired but, man- I’m really tired.  I also think I’m kind of a wuss.  I mean- sure Iwent through the whole IVF process, needles and all- but the morning sickness – not that I’ve even had a lot- and the tired all the time- I was not made for this.  I have a gut of steel (well mild steel maybe) and it has always been a point of pride that I can get by on 5 hours of sleep, in fact I do better with only 5, maybe 6, hours of sleep- but these things have been challenged, seriously.  Oh, and don’t get me started on concentration, and memory issues- a Friend of mine talked about “pregnant head” to explain some of her ditziness during her pregnancy.  I am now a believer.

On another note; I have not gotten around to looking for a pregnancy diary/organizer.  No idea if I prefer the more delineated “organizer” type or if I prefer the jornaling type. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to go peruse the isles of Barnes and Noble at some point.  Until then…

I promised a gambeson to Hubby- yet another gambeson.  The one I made most recently had a serious flaw- the outer shell fabric was completely the wrong fabric.  I have no idea how that happened.  I had thought it was a more “fine” fabric, but I just wanted to get the thing done and thought it was Hubby’s attempt at spiffing up his kit- but you just look at the thing sideways and the fabric tears.  SO-  Duvant Defender ( I may very well have butchered that) is Father’s day weekend, and I have- I think he said it was 11 days to get a new one made.  boy, I shot myself in the foot.